Friday, January 21, 2011

Stages of Married life

While every union is unique, there are certain phases that most marriages go through. Each has the potential to either help a couple's relationship grow closer and more solid, or to pull it apart. What's important to keep in mind is that there is no perfect marriage and no relationship without conflict.
The Newlywed Bubble: The First Year of Marriage The Honeymoon's Over (The Early Years) From Lover to Mother (And Baby Makes Three) Life Changes — New Job, Moving, etc.
The Newlywed Bubble: The First Year of Marriage begins with a period of excitement. Negative feelings are swept aside by the optimism of both partners as they begin to share a future. These positive feelings help a couple face the often daunting issues of the first year. Money — who handles it and how it's allocated — is a key issue for many couples. Time apart versus time together, division of household responsibilities, even who controls the television remote, are among the issues couples must begin to hammer out. This is complicated by the fact that almost everyone enters marriage with preset ideas of what a marriage relationshipshould be, and often unconsciously tries to recreate their parent's marriage.
Danger: Ideas of what a marriage should be get in the way of true intimacy, forcing you to reenact roles instead of relating honestly to each other.
Opportunity: Acknowledge and let go of your learned ideas of what a marriage should be. Face down your preconceived notions of marriage and you can decide what really works for you, forming a good foundation for the next phases of marriage. Try this exercise.
The Honeymoon's Over (The Early Years) The early years of marriage can put both parties to the test. What simultaneously ambushes us and gives us opportunities to reach a new level of commitment is when we have expectations we're not even aware of. When that doesn't happen — because it can't happen, the past is past — we may feel let down. The struggle to get him to conform to that desperately cherished fantasy may be initiated at this point — and lead to a battle without ending, for he wants to be accepted as the person he is. Letting go of that ideal and accepting the person you married is essential to a healthy marriage. Danger: Locking into a bickering, critical relationship; holding your partner responsible for your needs.
Opportunity: By taking responsibility for your own needs and desires and trying to realize them through your own efforts instead of projecting them onto your spouse, you'll have more chance of getting what you want and avoiding the resentment that goes with unrealistic demands.
From Lover to Mother To go from being a person to being a mother is the major psychological shift for a woman. And to go from being a couple to being a family is also big. With the arrival of a child, the possibilities for conflict increase. Your needs zoom, so the chances for disappointment are great. The changes and adjustments that come with a baby can be overwhelming. In addition to the time-consuming demands of changing diapers and feeding, questions of who should shoulder which responsibilities, parenting styles, not to mention the issue of making room in the relationship for this seemingly all-consuming new priority, can all become battlegrounds. Becoming parents triggers new sets of unconscious expections, both about child-rearing and about yourselves. Unless both partners try consciously to create their own parenting style, there is a tendency to re-enact the same roles as their parents. Most men don't have fathers who cared for them when they were babies, and it's often easier to fall into the role of "workaholic" while the mother assumes the "nurturing" role. The child may also become an unwitting partner in an emotional triangle as resentments and unresolved problems slink out in strange forms.
Danger: Pre-programmed ideas of parenting roles interfere with forging a marriage and family style that works.
Opportunity: Create a strong healthy family that encourages all members to grow as individuals in a loving, supportive setting. Try this: Read and discuss childrearing books to break out of scripted roles and find effective ways to deal with your children's stages of development. Agree on family rules (never let children play one parent against the other) and consider having a weekly family meeting to discuss problems.

Life Changes — New Job, Moving, Etc. Children heading off to college, a woman's return to the workforce, retirement...even happy changes can shake up the equilibrium of a marriage. Probably the toughest changes to assimilate in traditional marriages (male as breadwinner; woman as homemaker), is when the roles shift. When a woman goes back to work after being a homemaker (especially if she becomes very successful), or a husband loses his job or retires, the couple has to readjust their expectations of each other. "Zack's heart attack meant it was time for him to retire. It's not always so easy to accept shifts in the status quo. It can be a howl of outrage from one partner when the other changes the fundamental agreement. This is especially true if the change is voluntary.. But without the distraction of the children, they may be forced to confront themselves and their own relationship.
Danger: Faced with stress and change, couples often withdraw from one another or blame each other for their own dissatisfaction. Opportunity: Change can stir a relationship into a new phase of intimacy as well as free each individual to develop in new ways: A traditional breadwinner who retires may be able to be closer to the grandchildren; a homemaker who returns to the workforce may enjoy achieving in a new arena. Try this exercise!

Appropriate positions to conceive


Are some sexual positions better than others for conception?
Many experts suspect that the missionary position (man on top) affords the best opportunity for baby-making, though no definitive studies have been done on this question. This position allows for the deepest penetration and, as a result, places sperm closer to the cervix. For additional effectiveness, the woman can try elevating her hips with a pillow so her cervix is exposed to the maximum amount of semen.
Other possibilities (in case you get bored): > Rear-entry, when the man enters the woman from behind, either lying down or kneeling, can also deposit sperm close to the cervix. > Lying side-by-side — this can be a relaxing position (great for promoting good sex) and easier on a partner who is overweight or has a bad back.
Some clinicians also believe that a woman can further increase the likelihood of conception by remaining in bed for up to half an hour following intercourse, preferably on her back and, again, with a pillow under her pelvic region. In theory, this provides the sperm with additional travel time up to the Fallopian tube along with help from the forces of gravity. For women predisposed to getting urinary tract infections and advised to go to the bathroom immediately after intercourse, this is obviously not the best option.
And finally there is the issue of orgasm. His is an absolute necessity for conception, and now new research shows hers may play a role, too. The contractions that accompany the female orgasm may help carry sperm further into the cervix.
What are the worst sexual positions for conception? Experts recommend that you avoid having sex while sitting, standing, or with the female on top. These positions defy gravity and may discourage the upward mobility of sperm.
Are there any sexual positions that can help us conceive a boy or girl? Not that science has confirmed, but legends abound. According to one, having sex with the woman on top will lead to a girl.

Abortion

 
This is some basic, but important information about abortion. Some people say "therapeutic" or "surgical" abortion, but most people just use the word abortion. Abortion means ending a pregnancy. It is a choice that many women consider for an uplanned or unwanted pregnancy.  It doesn't matter why a woman wants to have an abortion; she has a legal right to make this choice.
Abortions are often done in hospitals. Women can also get an abortion at a clinic which specializes in doing abortions. It doesn't matter whether you go to a hospital or a clinic -- both are safe places to have an abortion.
 
How Is An Abortion Done And Is It Safe?
There are different kinds of abortions, but this is what usually happens if it is done in the first three months of pregnancy. During an abortion, a woman lies on her back. The doctor gently opens her vagina to see her cervix, or opening to her womb. The doctor uses either a local anesthetic to numb this area or a general anesthetic to make her sleep.
The doctor gradually opens the cervix and inserts a small tube. This tube is attached to a machine which gently removes the contents of the womb. Then the doctor carefully checks the inside of the womb to make sure no tissue remains. This procedure takes about 10 minutes.
Afterwards, the woman usually has some bleeding like a menstrual period. She will probably be able to go to school or work the next day, provided she doesn't have to do any heavy lifting or a lot of standing.
An abortion done after 12 weeks of pregnancy may be different. Ask questions about anything you don't understand. Some common questions about abortions are:
Q. Is abortion painful?
A. Many women feel cramps, like strong period cramps for a short time. Medication is given if the cramps are uncomfortable.
Q.  How safe is abortion?
 A. Abortions are very safe if they are legal and  done by trained doctors with safe, modern equipment.  And, the earlier an abortion is done, the lower the chance of any complications.
Q. If I have an abortion, can I still have children later on?
A. Yes. Women who have had an abortion done by a qualified doctor are just as likely to have a healthy baby in the future as other women. It is important to begin using birth control from the first time you have sex after an abortion.
  Does a Parent or Partner Need to Sign a Consent Form?
A woman might want to talk to her partner before deciding to have an abortion; however, she doesn't need to get his consent or agreement. Hospitals, clinics, family doctors and health insurance plans must keep the names of those having abortions private and confidential.
To have an abortion in a clinic, a parent's consent is not needed, no matter how old you are, as long as the doctor believes that you understand what is going to happen. If you are under 16, you will need to have a parent's consent to have a hospital abortion.
Remember, for both hospital and clinic abortions, there might be different requirements. It's important to ask about the requirements ahead of time.
 
Where Can I Go To Have An Abortion?
Abortions are done in a hospital or in a clinic that specializes in abortions.
To have an abortion in a hospital, you may need to visit a birth control clinic, your family doctor or a women's health centre first. They will help you make the arrangements. A hospital usually requires two or more appointments. The woman may receive a general anesthetic so that she will be asleep during the abortion. She will be at the hospital most of the day.
To have an abortion at an abortion clinic, you can call and make an appointment yourself. At an abortion clinic, women usually have one appointment that lasts about 4 hours. A local anesthetic is used which means she will be awake and kept comfortable. In both the clinic and the hospital, the actual abortion takes about 10 minutes.
An abortion should be done as early as possible. Most abortions are done during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, and many hospitals will only do abortions up until then. Sometimes, abortions are done as late as 20 weeks. If you are thinking about having an abortion, you should get the information you need as early as possible.
Some places you can get this information are:
a Planned Parenthood Association
a birth control centre
a women's health centre at a hospital
your public health unit
The more questions you ask, the better informed you'll be.
But be careful! Some doctors, clinics or crisis pregnancy centres will not help arrange for an abortion. Some may try to talk you out of having an abortion. So get all the information you need to make the choice that is right for you.
 
How late in the Pregnancy Can I Get an Abortion?
An abortion should be done as early as possible. Early abortions are safest and easiest. The earlier you go to a doctor or clinic after you've missed a period, the sooner you'll know whether you're pregnant. Doctors estimate how many weeks pregnant a woman is by counting from the first day of the women's last menstrual period. It's important to know that date when you go for a pregnancy test.
Most abortions in Canada are performed in the first 12 weeks, also called the first trimester, of pregnancy. Sometimes abortions are done after 12 weeks, in the second trimester. Later abortions are more difficult to get.
In Canada, late abortions, after 20 weeks, are usually done to protect the health of the pregnant woman or because of test results showing problems with the fetus. Although they are safe, late abortions can have more complications than early abortions. While there is no time limit for when abortions can be done in Canada, it is very rare for abortions to be done after 20 weeks.
 
How Do Women Feel After An Abortion?
Women have abortions for lots of reasons. Studies find that most women feel relief after an abortion -- they feel the've made the decision that was right for them at that time in their lives.
A woman may feel upset if she did not get support from her partner, friends, family or doctor, of if a women felt pressured into having an abortion. Many women find a good friend or counsellor helpful at this time. There is counselling available at Planned Parenthood organizations, Public Health and abortion clinics.
 
When Someone You Know Wants an Abortion
Perhaps your partner, daughter or friend is considering abortion, or has just had an abortion. Many people in this situation feel confused, upset, concerned or even angry.
Making a decision about an unplanned pregnancy is often hard. All three options -- abortion, keeping the baby or giving the baby up for adoption -- can create a feeling of loss for those involved. The final decision about an abortion or what to do about a pregnancy belongs to the woman.
A lot of women turn to their partners, friends and family for support. Sometimes it's difficult for them to be supportive and comforting because they feel so strongly themselves.You can encourage the woman to share her thoughts by sharing yours, by being honest about feelings and concerns. You may not agree with her decision, but you can still be supportive and care for her.
Women often talk to a counsellor to help them make a decision; you might find this very helpful also.
Remember, there is free counselling available at Planned Parenthood organizations or Public Health Clinics.

Health during Pregnancy

What you should eat:
Pregnancy puts additional nutritional demands on your body. You require to eat judiciously to meet the demands of the body. Make sure that you eat a mixture of different foods each day in order to get all the various nutrients that you and your baby need.
Your diet should have plenty of fruit and vegetables which provide vitamins, minerals and fibre. Eat them lightly cooked or raw. Let starchy foods like bread, potatoes, rice and breakfast cereals with vegetables form the main part of any meal.
Eat some good sources of nutrients like fish, eggs, cheese, beans, and lentils every day. Dairy products like milk, cheese and yogurt are important as they contain calcium and other nutrients needed for your baby's development.
Avoid sugar and sugary foods like sweets, biscuits and cakes and sugary drinks like cola. Cut down on fat and fatty foods as well.
Mineral and vitamin supplements
A large number of pregnant women suffer from varying degrees of anemia so additional iron supplementation is provided by pills. Also tablets of Folic acid (a vitamin necessary to prevent certain spinal disorders in the growing baby) along with Calcium are generally prescribed by the health care providers.

Pregnancy and weight
Most women gain between 10 -12.5kgs (22 - 28lbs). Weight gain varies a great deal and depends on your weight before pregnancy. Weight gain significantly more or less than the average could be an indicator of a problem, so you must monitor your weight gain carefully. Also if you weigh more than 100kg or under 50kg your health care provider may have special advise for you.
Smoking during pregnancy
Try to stop. When you smoke, carbon monoxide and nicotine passes into your lungs and blood stream. This means that: a) your baby gets less oxygen and cannot grow as well as it should, and b) the nicotine makes your baby's heart beat faster. Constantly breathing in other people's smoke may also have a harmful effect.

Babies of mothers who smoke are, on average, 200g (about 8 oz) lighter than other babies. These babies may have problems during and after labour and are more prone to infection; it will be better for your baby later too if you stop smoking. Children whose parents smoke are more likely to suffer from illnesses such as asthma; and there is an increased risk of cot death.
Alcohol
It has now been shown that even small amounts of alcohol can be harmful to your baby. Alcohol has adverse effects on the baby's development and can produce a lot of anomalies generally termed as 'Fetal Alcohol Syndrome'. So to be safe avoid alcohol totally during your pregnancy.
Pills medicines and other drugs
You should be very careful while taking any kind of medication, specially in the earlier part of the pregnancy. Majority of drugs have some effects on the growing fetus and the first three months are crucial. You would be better off asking your doctor about any medications you want to take. Make sure your doctor or dentist knows you're pregnant before prescribing anything or giving you treatment.

At the same time it is important to remember that if you on treatment for some chronic conditions like epilepsy or diabetes you consult your doctor and continue your medications because control of such conditions is vitally important for you as well as the pregnancy.

Pregnancy and Childbirth

When a man's sperm and a woman's ovum, or egg, meet, the egg is fertilized. The cells begin to divide and grow, and an embryo begins to grow in the woman's womb.It takes about 266 days or 38 weeks before a baby is ready to be born. The expected delivery date is calculated from the first day of the woman's last menstrual period, even though fertilization probably happened about two weeks later, at ovulation, or when the woman's egg was released. So we often say it takes 40 weeks or nine months of pregnancy before a baby is born. These nine months are divided into three trimesters.
Half of a baby's genes come from the mother and half come from the father. Appearance, some talents and some diseases are hereditary, or passed on through the parents' genes. Each baby is unique, however, full of surprises and potential.
A couple needs to be prepared to have a child of either sex. There is no sure way to choose a baby's sex. The sex can sometimes be found out by an ultrasound, but only long after the pregnancy has started.
Most babies are born in hospitals, with the help of doctors and nurses, as well as special equipment and supplies. Some women choose to have a midwife to help with pregnancy and delivery. There are anesthetics and medications for safety and stopping pain. If there's a medical problem, women can have a cesarean delivery, when the baby is surgically delivered through the abdomen. There is blood for transfusion if this is necessary, for the woman or the baby. Hospitals have monitors to find possible problems before they become serious. Delivery rooms, recovery rooms, nurseries and wards are all designed to make this time as safe and comfortable as possible for the mother and new baby.
Some women prefer to deliver at home, with a midwife's help. They may want to have family around and be in familiar surroundings. A delivery at home can be just as easy and safe as a hospital delivery. Only if there is an emergency, or unusual steps need to be taken for the safety of the mother or baby is it important to be near a hospital.
Occasionally twins, or even more than two babies are born, a few minutes apart. Twins can be identical, if they result from the division of one fertilized egg. Or they can be fraternal if two eggs were fertilized. The doctor can tell by listening to the heartbeats and by ultrasound whether there is more than one fetus.
If you want more information about preparing for childbirth and the actual birth, you can call a local Public Health Unit

Unplanned Pregnancy: Decisions

If you had unprotected intercourse less than 72 hours, or three days, ago and you don't want to become pregnant, you can read the message on the Morning After Pill, in the Birth Control section.
If you had a pregnancy test that was positive, that is, it said you are pregnant, but that pregnancy was unplanned, you might be facing one of the most important decisions of your life. This message will talk about the three choices you have:
? continue the pregnancy, and keep the child
? continue the pregnancy and place the child for adoption, or
? end the pregnancy by abortion.
All three of these choices may have life-long implications. Not one is easy.
But it is the pregnant woman's choice. It must be based on your needs and hopes, on what you decide is right for you now. You must look at what support and help you will have.
Although there may be important people in your life to talk with first, you can't make a decision just to please others. You have to live with your choice, so it must be your decision.
Talking over the possibilities can help sort out your ideas and thoughts. You may want to talk to your partner, your parents, a relative or a friend. Find someone you trust who you think will support you -- whatever decision you make. Or talk confidentially to a counsellor at a family planning clinic.
If you continue the pregnancy, whether you will keep the baby or place it up for adoption, good prenatal care can make the your pregnancy easier, and both you and the baby healthier. Taking care of yourself before the baby's born means eating well, avoiding tobacco, caffeine, drugs and alcohol, getting enough exercise and rest. You can also read the messages about Pregnancy and Childbirth or Teen Pregnancy sections of this document, for more information.
Children can be a great joy. They also need a lot of care for many years. Think about the support and help you will have. Make a budget. Consider your life goals. What will having a child now mean to you, to your education, career, the rest of your family? Is this the right time for you to have a baby?
If you want to place the child for adoption, either with a relative or a friend or someone you don't know, you will need to know your rights and what to expect. More information is given in the message on Adoption on this page.
If you think you might choose to have an abortion, remember that the procedure is safest and easiest within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Very few hospitals or clinics will do abortions if a woman is over 20 weeks pregnant, that is, 20 weeks after the first day of her last menstrual period. Putting off the decision too long can leave no choice but to continue the pregnancy.
If you want to talk to someone, you can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit .

Sexual Developement-Females

Puberty in Girls
Puberty is a time of many changes. A girl's body starts changing after about age 8. Many girls worry that they are not developing fast enough, or are concerned if they develop before their friends do. Remember, each person has her own timetable. Some girls start puberty early, and some start later.
Most of the changes of puberty are caused by chemicals called "hormones" that the body starts to produce. The main female hormones are estrogen and progesterone.
Breasts start to grow when a girl is between 9 and 13. Many girls are concerned about the size and shape of their breasts. Breasts come in many different sizes, so girls shouldn't worry if theirs are different from their friends'. One breast may grow more quickly than the other; however, they will be about the same size when they finish growing. Pubic and underarm hair will start to grow next.
Menstrual periods usually start between the ages of 11 and 15; however, periods can begin as early as 9 and as late as 17.
This is what causes a period: about once a month, a woman's body gets itself ready for pregnancy. The lining of the womb, or uterus, starts to thicken. About 2 weeks later, one of the ovaries releases an egg, or ovum. If sperm from a man's body does not join with the egg, that is, it is not fertilized, then the thick lining of the uterus is not needed. In about another two weeks, her body gets rid of this lining through the vagina. This is called having a period, or menstruation.
Many women are uncomfortable or have cramps during their periods. Exercise, a heating pad or hot water bottle, and a pain reliever can help. If these ideas don't work, ask a doctor or school nurse for help.
Periods usually last between 3 and 7 days. They may be longer or shorter, and bleeding may be heavier in some months than in others -- especially when you first start having your period. Many things can affect your period, such as stress or sickness or fast weight loss. After a while, most women find that their periods become regular. Once periods are more regular, they happen about every 21 to 35 days, or 3 to 5 weeks.
If a woman has intercourse then misses her period, she might be pregnant. If sperm joins with an egg a pregnancy begins. The fertilized egg attaches itself to the thick lining of her uterus and starts to grow. Her body does not get rid of the lining and she does not have a menstrual period.
The female hormones also cause a woman's vagina to produce a discharge or mucus. This does not hurt or itch or smell bad. However, if you have a discharge that does hurt or itch or smell strong, see your doctor; you might have an infection.
Pimples or acne are a common problem. Some suggestions are to wash with plain soap, not eat foods with lots of fat, not use skin moisturizers, and use lotions with benzoyl peroxide which can be bought without prescription at a drug store. A doctor may also be able to prescribe medication.
Body odour is caused by perspiration. Many people stop it by washing often with regular or deodorant soap and using deodorants.
Girls usually grow quickly between 10 and 13. After their periods start, most grow about another inch or 3 centimeters. Most reach their adult height by age 16.
Puberty may be a time of strong sexual feelings and fantasies. These feelings may be confusing or a worry or very pleasant. Daydreaming about kissing or sex, developing a crush, feeling romantic are all normal. Respect your body, respect yourself for what you are today, and demand respect from others.
If you want more information, you can read books on puberty. Or, talk with someone you trust. You can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources.
Women's Sexual Organs
A woman's sexual parts are harder to see than a man's, so many people don't know much about them. Some women have been taught that this area of their body is dirty or ugly, and that it is shameful to touch it or talk about it. These parts are not dirty or shameful. Like any other parts of your body, the more you know about how they work, the easier it is to stay healthy.
It is useful to see what this part of your body looks like. You will need a small mirror to do this. Second, you will need some facts.
The whole area between your legs is called "the vulva". You will see two sets of lips, called "labia". After puberty, the outer lips have pubic hair growing on them. The inner lips vary in size and shape and colour. One lip may be larger than the other.Inside the lips are the clitoris and two openings. Starting at the front of the body, where the inner labia meet, is the clitoris. In adult women, the clitoris is about the size of the eraser on the end of a pencil. In some women, it is covered with skin and in others it is uncovered.
The clitoris is extremely sensitive and is the source of much sexual pleasure. Some women like to have it touched directly, when they are ready. However, others find this painful and prefer to have the area around the clitoris rubbed.
The opening closest to the clitoris is the urethra, where urine comes out. It is small and hard to see.
Next is the opening to the vagina. This is where menstrual blood and vaginal discharge come out, and where the penis goes during vaginal intercourse. Sperm travel up the vagina, through what's called the cervix, into the womb (or uterus). If it meets and fertilizes an egg, or ovum, a pregnancy begins. When a baby is born, it moves out of the uterus, down the vagina and out the same opening.
Inside the vagina there is usually a thin tissue called the "hymen". Other names for it are "cherry" and "maidenhead". The hymen can become stretched or torn by things like using tampons and having sexual intercourse for the first time. For some women, this can be uncomfortable and cause a bit of bleeding; others don't even notice it.
The opening further back is the anus. It is where bowel movements come out.
From puberty, girls will notice a vaginal discharge or mucus on their underwear. It is perfectly normal. It may be yellow or milky-white, watery or thick. The appearance and amount of this change at different times in a woman's cycle. These changes can help tell when she is most likely to get pregnant.
If the discharge has a strong or bad smell, if it itches, or if it is a strange colour, it could be a sign of an infection or a sexually transmitted disease. This should be checked by a doctor, as some of these are serious and spread easily.
To find out more about a woman's body, get books on the subject. Talk to someone: a parent, counsellor, or health care worker. Or, you can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit .
Menstruation
Menstruation is natural. It is a sign of good health and fertility, or the ability to get pregnant.
Normally, a woman has a menstrual period about once a month, unless she is pregnant. This starts at puberty, between 9 and 14, and ends at menopause, between 45 and 55. The time from one period to the next is called a menstrual cycle.
During a menstrual cycle, the woman's uterus, or womb, builds up a thick lining of blood and nutrients to protect and feed a fetus. At the same time, a few of her eggs begin to ripen. Usually, one egg moves from an ovary into her uterus. This is called ovulation. If the egg is not fertilized by sperm, she doesn't get pregnant. In that case, she doesn't need the thick lining in her uterus. About 2 weeks later, the lining flows out through her vagina. This is called "a menstrual period".
A period usually lasts from 3 to 7 days. The heaviest bleeding is in the first days. You may feel tired during your period. This may be because your body is losing iron. To stop your body from losing too much iron, called "anemia", you can take a vitamin with iron.
To absorb menstrual blood, you can wear sanitary pads outside the body or tampons inside the vagina. If the bleeding is light, you can wear panty liners. These can all be bought at grocery or drug stores.
It is O.K. for both women and girls to wear tampons. They come in different sizes, so if you decide to wear them, you can find a size that is comfortable for your body. If they are inserted correctly, they can't be felt. They also can't get "lost" inside your vagina. A string attached to the bottom of a tampon makes it easy to take it out.
Tampons should be changed every four to six hours. Leaving a tampon in longer than that can allow bacteria to grow, andd lead to an infection called Toxic Shock Syndrome. This is very rare, but is very serious when it does happen.
Some women have a very regular menstrual cycle, every 27 days, for instance, or every 33 days; others have an irregular cycle. The cycle may be longer one month than another. This is also normal. Most cycles are from 21 to 34 days. The average is 28.
It is common for periods to be very irregular for the first year or so. Emotional upsets, illness, stress, gaining or losing a lot of weight, all can cause a woman's period to be late or even missed. A woman just starting the birth control pill may skip a period, or have spotting between periods for the first few months. Periods may change after pregnancy, or just with time.
A woman is as healthy during her period as she is at any time. She can shower or bathe, swim or exercise, have sexual intercourse, or do anything she would normally do. Most women have some cramping or pain the first day or two of a period. This can be relieved by exercise, a heating pad, or taking a pain reliever.
However, some women do need help for problems with their periods. Women may go to a doctor or clinic if they have such serious cramps that they can't go to school or work, or if the period is very heavy, requiring 10 to 12 pads a day for more than 5 days. Bleeding, spotting or cramping when she is not menstruating should also be checked out. And, if she misses a period and there is any possibility of pregnancy she should have a pregnancy test right away.
Remember, once you start having your period, you can get pregnant. So, if you have sexual intercourse and don't want to get pregnant, you'll need to use some form of birth control.
There are books which can tell you more about menstruation. You can talk to your mother, a school nurse or doctor. Or, you can call your local Public Health Unit .
Pre-Menstrual Syndrome or PMS
Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, or PMS, is what some people call the changes that women may experience during the days before their menstrual period begins.
The most common physical changes are headaches, feeling tired, craving certain foods, being unable to sleep, feeling bloating or heavy, and tender breasts. Some women also find that they might feel more depressed or sad, anxious, or irritable, that their moods just change more easily, or that it's more difficult to concentrate.
Not all women get PMS. Some women find that they have much more energy in the days before their period. They feel well and, sometimes, more creative.
Some women who do get PMS notice only some of these changes. For some, however, the symptoms are so severe that their ability to function is affected. But, there are some ways a woman might be able to make life easier during this time. Learn what brings on the symptoms. Stress and diet can be very important.
Try to avoid stressful activities as much as possible during this time of the month. Let family and co-workers know what PMS is like and you might make them more supportive and understanding. Some women have found yoga, meditation or other relaxation methods helpful. Avoiding foods high in sugar, salt and caffeine as much as possible, especially 10 days before the next period, is also helpful for some women.
Eating several small meals a day rather than three large ones helps keep a steady amount of sugar in your blood. Eating foods high in potassium, such as bananas, nuts, milk and spinach, and plenty of carbohydrates, such as whole grain bread, cereal, pasta, potatoes and fruits, helps replace vitamins and minerals that your body needs.
Regular exercise throughout the month is helpful, and may also release stress and tension. Get plenty of rest.
You can try keeping a record or chart of your menstrual cycle, and physical or emotional changes. This may help you predict how you will feel, and see if doing anything differently affects the PMS. It may help you have more control, and may be useful when you talk to a doctor about your pre-menstrual changes.
Some women have even started support groups. Do you know other women who might be interested in this idea? Is there a women's centre in your area that could help you start up a group?
For more information, you can call your local Public Health Unit -- see References/Resources.
Menopause
Menopause, or sometimes called the Change of Life, is a normal part of a woman's life. It usually starts between the ages of 45 and 55, and means the end of fertility, or the ability to get pregnant.
Menopause brings a woman new freedom, freedom from menstrual periods, needing to use contraceptives, or fear of pregnancy.
The last periods of a woman's life may be irregular and gradually taper off or just stop. But unusual bleeding or cramps should be reported to a doctor right away. Menopause may take a while to complete. Until it is complete, a woman can still become pregnant. If she is sexually active and doesn't want to start a pregnancy, she should use birth control until at least a year without a period.
Menopause occurs because the ovaries produce less of the female hormones. It may take a while for the body to adjust to this. Most women notice some changes in their bodies, but aren't bothered by them. Some women have physical or emotional changes that seem uncomfortable.
A common discomfort of menopause is having hot flashes or flushes. These are caused by an overreaction of blood vessels in the skin. A short sensation of intense heat travels from the chest to the head. The woman may sweat heavily, and feel cold afterwards. This can occur when she is awake or asleep.
The vagina gradually becomes drier and thinner, and sexual intercourse may therefore become uncomfortable. Lubricating jelly bought at a drug store or a vaginal cream with estrogen, prescribed by a doctor and used before intercourse, can help prevent discomfort.

Oral Sex

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10 Habits of a Loving Couple

Romance is a way to express your love, the icing on the cake. But don't wait for special occasions to express your love. Make sure that you nurture your loving relationship by practicing these basic habits in your day-to-day life. These may seem very basic, but how many do you do? Don't despair... it's never too late to adopt good, loving habits.
The 10 habits:
1. Say "I Love You" at least once a day. Your partner does need to hear the words.
2. Kiss good-bye and hello. Throw in a hug while you're at it.
3. "Date" your partner for the rest of your lives. Treat your partner even better than when you were dating... Remember that you are sweethearts ~ * open the door with a smile * straighten his tie * hold out a chair * hold hands when you're walking together.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff. You can let his bad habits bother you to distraction... or you can accept them, and work around them. Does he leave the cap off the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes... Does he leave clothes lying around? Ignore them, or pick them up, remembering just how much he does for you in other ways. Or, make it easier for your partner to satisfy you... buy several clothes hampers and keep them handy:-)
5. Concentrate on the positive. Instead of thinking about the ways that he lets you down, think of all the positive things about your partner that drew you to them in the first place.
6. Take a breather when you're mad. Don't try to talk when either of you are angry. Take a few minutes to walk around the block, lay down, just get away from each other so you can regroup. A short break will allow you both to stay on track and discuss what's bothering you instead of accidentally making personal insults that you will regret later.
7. Don't use your partner's secrets or weaknesses against them... ever! What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner. Recognize what is important to your partner, and don't discuss it with your friends, mother, his family, anyone! And certainly don't throw the words back at them in an argument. A loving relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting that anyone can have.
8. Think about your partner first. If both of you do this, then you can't help but win! Say 'yes' to your partner as often as possible... go to that sports event with him, get him out on that golf course because he loves golf, make life easier for your partner, and hopefully they will do the same for you!
9. RESPECT your partner. Don't badmouth your partner to anyone! When you talk about your partner, let your respect and love shine through.
10. Find a way to regroup together every day. Discover what works well for you both... eat a meal together, meet for happy hour drinks, just lay in bed in the dark, take a walk around the block, etc. You can even mix things up and vary your routine. If one of you is travelling, call home at night just to hear their voice. The point is to spend time together daily, just talking or breathing the same air, feeling connected. Remember... the more you put into your relationship, the more you gain! Make love and romance a part of your daily life!

Reasons for Condom failure

Condoms can fail to prevent pregnancy when they are:
Not used correctly
Used inconsistently
Broken during sex
Manufactured improperly
Damaged after manufacture Expired
Approximately 2 - 5 percent of condoms tear during use. The majority of these failures are caused by human error, which can include not using enough lube and creating microscopic tears with rings or long, sharp, or jagged fingernails, among other possibilities. Incorrect use includes unrolling a condom backwards, not unrolling the condom to the base of the penis, not leaving a half-inch of empty space at the tip of the condom, and not holding the rim of the condom down along the base of the penis when removing the penis after ejaculation. Inconsistent condom use means not using a condom every time you have sex, or not putting the condom on soon enough -- such as right before ejaculation instead of at the beginning of intercourse -- before the penis comes in contact with your partner's genitals. Any risk of pregnancy resulting from pre-cum on the fingers being transferred to a condom is unlikely. To be extra safe, a man could put on a condom at the very beginning of sexual play, rather than wait until you're ready for penetration. Condom failure may also be more likely if either of you have pierced genitals. If condoms break when used correctly, the tear is most likely due to hidden weaknesses in the rubber. These weaknesses may get past manufacturing regulation as some tests administered for strength and leaks are used to spot check a batch of condoms as opposed to testing each individual condom.

Enjoying Safer Sex

Enjoying Safer Sex Sexual intimacy does not necessarily include sexual intercourse. In deciding whether to engage in intimate sexual relations, including intercourse, you may consider cultural, ethical, religious, moral, and psychological factors as well physical ones.
Many people choose to abstain from sexual intercourse. People may choose varying levels of sexual intimacy. You should not feel pressured to engage in sexual intercourse or any other sexual activity; what is right for you is the level of sexual intimacy with which you feel comfortable, whether that means none, holding hands, intercourse, or any of a mind-boggling variety of other forms of sexual activity. Deciding to become sexually intimate with a partner can be a big step to take in a relationship, especially since, for many people, having sex involves an emotional commitment as well as a physical one. The decision to become sexually intimate with another person must also be considered in light of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) that are prevalent among college students; many times infections may be asymptomatic, so someone may transmit the disease to another person unknowingly.
Becoming pregnant is also a fear in heterosexual relationships. Only a barrier method, like condoms or dental dams, can reduce the likelihood of the transmission of HIV and certain other STDs. Abstinence is the only completely effective method of preventing STDs, HIV and pregnancy. If you do choose to be sexually active, practicing safer sex, along with maintaining open communication with your partner, can reduce the risks discussed here.
Engaging in sexual intercourse can potentially be scary or dangerous ; discussing both the emotional and physical risks of sex and deciding with your partner how best to minimize those risks can be empowering and can make for an even more intimate sexual experience. Practicing safer sex doesn't mean eliminating sex from your life. What safer sex does mean is being smart and staying healthy. It means showing love, concern, and respect for partners and for self. Safer sex means enjoying sex to the fullest wi thout transmitting, or acquiring, sexually related infections. There are numerous sexually transmissible diseases; the consequences of some, like HIV and syphilis, may be deadly. All of them are caused by microorganisms which pass between partners during particular sexual activities. Safer sex means reducing the chance of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS.

Sex education still off the charts

Sex education still off the charts
Students must feel comfortable seeking counselling on sex-related issues. Each of their questions, no matter how private, needs to be answered. Experts argue that openness in conversation would decrease frustrations and aggressions linked to sexuality amongst youth, says Parul Sharma.

10 December 2005 - The Supreme Court on 16 November this year decided that sex education in schools cannot be brought under the ambit of fundamental rights by making it a part of the right to education. "We cannot make it (sex education) a fundamental right," a bench comprising Justice Ruma Pal and Justice A R Lakshmanan said while dealing with a Public Interest Litigation, which had suggested making sex education in schools compulsory. The NGO, Nari Raksha Samiti, had submitted that sex education in school curricula could play a role in checking the rise in rape cases. Though agreeing with the suggestion, the bench said it cannot be given the status of a fundamental right on the same footing as the right to education itself.
A couple of years ago, Ram Chandra Purbey, the former primary education minister for the state of Bihar, exclaimed the following; "Our society is not an open one. Inclusion of sex education in the syllabus can also have an adverse effect". This statement clearly indicates government attitudes on the issue of sex education, and the misconstrued notion of unpleasant effects of people having sex in every possible corner. Dangerously enough, there is no consensus in India over introducing sex and reproductive health education in the school and college syllabus. Meanwhile, the reality is that a large population of about 300 million young people is in the age group 12-24, and studies are showing their growing preference for pre-marital sex. In a survey in 2002 by The Week magazine, of unmarried young Indians, 69 per cent of men admitted to pre-marital sex compared to 38 per cent of women. In the 16-19 group, forty-five per cent had pre-marital sex, while 27 per cent were 15 years or under and 28 per cent were 20 years or older. (Note)
WHO pointer Early sex education delays the start of sexual activity, reduces sexual activity among young people, and encourages those already sexually active to have safer sex. Researchers have found "no support for the contention that sex education encourages sexual experimentation or increased activity."
Such findings reveal a continuing denial in government-speak about the reality in our society. Central and state governments are taking a moralistic position on this issue and have refused to recognise the magnitude of the problem. Ignorance and sex can be a troubling and sometimes deadly mix for young people and people living under suffocating societal demands. In the midst of all this, non-governmental organisations have been trying to produce and distribute their own guidebooks to address what they see missing in the school syllabus on sex education, but their efforts have met with opposition.
Woman and Sex Education
Asked whether starting sex-education at 14 years is too late, about 92.46 per cent respondents have said 'yes' in an 8888 poll this year. Therefore, the implications are clear the subject must indeed be introduced in schools at the pre-teen level itself.
Contrastingly, a school for brides in Madhya Pradesh teaches women how to be ideal wives by serving their husband and his family, but keeps sex off the curriculum. The 18-year-old Manju Sanskar Kendra funded by businessmen in the state capital, Bhopal, aims to "smooth" a bride's path with a special three-month training course, which includes cooking, sewing and daily prayers. The school charges no fees and boasts of having trained over 4,000 girls between the ages of 18 to 21. However, the bridal finishing school manages to avoid one of the key issues in any marriage, and does not give any sex education or talk about safe sex. "At the school we've been told to please our husbands at all times and have children, which I suppose means sex," explains a 22-year-old "student". Furthermore, and maybe due to the privileged status of men in our country, only 5% of Indian men use condom according to Dr. Avni Amni at Center for Health and Gender Equity. Most parents in India are not aware of their role in imparting sex education, explains Amit Jain, a well-known sex counsellor; "Sex education doesn't even figure at all in the priorities of the Indian parents.”
Sex education is also a means to respect a partner, a wife, a husband, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and a means to respect sexual preferences. It is also a means to question and understand the existence of assault and sexual violence in our country and to increase gender equality. The lack of understanding about sexual issues is more risky, and more likely to lead young people to have unwanted pregnancies, abortions and STDs, and sometimes sex related violence. There are so many crucial issues at hand, which could be saved and cured by means of sex education.
WHO on Sex Education
Back in 1993, a survey of 35 sex education projects conducted by the World Health Organisation (WHO) showed that sex education in schools did not encourage young people to have sex at an earlier age or more frequently. Rather importantly, the survey showed that early sex education delays the start of sexual activity, reduces sexual activity among young people and encourages those already sexually active to have safer sex. Furthermore, the WHO published a review of 1,050 scientific articles on sex education programmes. Researchers found "no support for the contention that sex education encourages sexual experimentation or increased activity. If any effect is observed, almost without exception, it is in the direction of postponed initiation of sexual intercourse and/or effective use of contraception." Failure to provide appropriate and timely information "misses the opportunity of reducing the unwanted outcomes of unintended pregnancy and transmission of STDs, and is, therefore, in the disservice of our youth," the report called Effects of Sex Education on Young People's Sexual Behavior says. This report was commissioned by the Youth and General Public Unit, Office of Intervention and Development and Support, Global Program on AIDS, and the WHO.


Illustration: Farzana Cooper
Child Abuse and Sex Education
The Delhi-based Sakshi Violation Intervention Centre in a 1997 study that interviewed 350 school children, found that 63 per cent of the girl respondents had been sexually abused by a family member; 25 per cent raped, and over 30 per cent sexually abused by the father, grandfather or a male friend of the family. A 1999 study by the Mumbai-based Tata Institute of Social Sciences revealed that 58 of the 150 girls interviewed had been raped before they were 10 years old. RAHI, a Delhi-based organisation that provides support to victims of sexual abuse, reports that of the 1,000 upper and higher-middle class college students interviewed, 76 per cent had been abused as children, 31 per cent by someone known to the family and 40 per cent by a family member, and 50 per cent of them before the age of 12.
However, despite the gravity of the problem, the various facets of child sexual abuse are never discussed within the educational system. Dr. Preethi Menon, a Chennai-based paediatric psychiatrist dealing with child sexual abuse, underlines that "this secrecy has to be broken"; for this, she lays stress on talking to children about sexual abuse, listening to them, believing them, and recognising symptoms such as physical complaints and behavioural and psychological changes. She says: "Silence does not mean all is fine with the child."
Bizarrely, the educational system has missed out on informing its children that the moment an abuse has taken place something wrong has taken place. This is nothing foreign; most civilised nations use the educational system as a crucial means to inform children about what amounts to a sexual assault or crime against a minor, and about the various victim support systems. Maybe, it is immature to believe that sensitive issues such as incest would be dealt with in a set-up, which does not even believe in sex education in schools. There is a lack of a system of awareness, where the adults' accountability towards a child fails in the gravest manner.
The U.S.-based non-profit group, Programme for Appropriate Technology in Health (PATH), has projects that target not only students but high school-based sex educators around the world, as for instance in Thailand. "It is like being full after eating rice. Once you find out all about it, you don't need to go and try it out or find out about it from somewhere else," a PATH student says. "In fact, it (sex education) makes you think that it should not be easy to decide to have sex because there are plenty of hassles that can result." In short, some youngsters say, they need correct information delivered effectively. "The more it (sex) is concealed, the more we (teenagers) want to know."
Sex Education and HIV/AIDS
"Too many people think that neither sex education nor AIDS education is compatible with their notion of Indian culture."
-- Dr Balaji, NCERT adviser

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With more than 4.5 million people infected by HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, India has become the world's second largest hub of the disease, but some states are still in denial. That means that while India has the second-largest population of HIV sufferers after South Africa, a taboo on talking openly about sex has ensured that sex education is not taught in schools, and people, especially women, are reluctant to seek treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.
According to Dr Balaji, advisor to the National Council of Education Research and Training (NCERT), the NCERT has so far been playing it safe because of the explosiveness of the issue of sex education, which cannot be separated from AIDS education. "Too many people think that neither is compatible with their notion of Indian culture." Dr Balaji adds that India has come a long way from the day in 1993 when he was nearly assaulted by the principal of a government school in Madhya Pradesh where he and his team were attempting to introduce a course in sex education.
In the meantime, as the AIDS epidemic spreads, the battle against it is mired by a lack of consensus on the extent of the pandemic, the "right strategy" to combat it, and how to deal frankly with sexuality. In early 2003 the Indian Health Minister Sushma Swaraj told the press that the country's AIDS program had to focus on sexual abstinence and faith rather than just condoms. Horrifyingly, most individuals are tested for HIV without their consent and knowledge. Because of the stigma attached to the disease, not many willingly undergo tests or talk about their trauma.

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Sex Education and Sexual Minorities
The questions within persons who experience homosexuality as their reality causes them additional trauma when suffocating demands are placed even on heterosexual behaviour in the society. Though debate about the cause of homosexuality continues, scientists and social theorists tend to agree that nobody chooses to be homosexual. Available data from the US, Canada, Australia, and elsewhere in Europe tend to place the homosexual population between 3-8% of the total population. The question is no longer whether homosexuality is natural, but whether homosexuals should enjoy the same rights and privileges as other citizens. One of the rights inclusive in the privileges is "the right to be informed". Proponents of comprehensive sex education believe that a common approach to sex education is necessary to reduce risky behaviours such as unprotected sex, and equip individuals to make informed decisions about their personal sexual activity. Additionally, they contend that education about homosexuality encourages tolerance, but does not "turn masses gay" as some conservatives believe.
The silence and shame around the issue of homosexuality is so great and the fear of being isolated and discriminated is so prevalent that a lot of those who are caught by the police prefer to pay the police rather than fight back referring to their Human Rights. Almost none of the cases go to court with the person being let off after he has paid of the police officer. Human Rights abuses are actually legitimised by laws which treat homosexuals as secretive, criminal, and so on; the lack of support for them from the educational and legal systems compounds the social misery.
Governmental attitudes to homesexuality are worrisomely in line with positions on sexuality, AIDS and sex education itself, the views are not particularly surprising. Naz Foundation, an NGO, had brought an action in the Delhi High Court challenging the constitutionality of section 377 Indian Penal Code (IPC), which talks of homosexual intercourse as unnatural sex. The Central Government dithered for two years before it filed its response. It did so only after immense pressure from civil society organizations and the passing of several strictures by the court. While its dithering is understandable as a tactic to lose another problematic litigation in the jungle of half a million or so cases clogging the Indian judiciary, the substance of its reply brings to light the culture straitjacket.
In paragraph 32 of the reply the government states: “In fact, the purpose of this section 377 IPC is to provide a healthy environment in the society by criminalizing unnatural sexual activities against the order of nature.” And then goes on to add in Paragraph 33: "If this provision is taken out of the statute book, a public display of such affection would, at the most, attract charges of indecent exposure which carry a lesser jail sentence than the existing imprisonment for life or imprisonment of 10 years and fine. While the Government cannot police morality, in a civil society criminal law has to express and reflect public morality and concerns about harm to the society at large. If this is not observed, whatever little respect of law is left would disappear, as law would have lost its legitimacy." In other words, seemingly the government maintains that if 'unnatural' sex is not prohibited, the normal social order would break down, moreover, the issues relating to sexual minorities is not an Indian issue, but more of something which happens in the West.
Conclusion
The recently passed World AIDS Day is another reminder to go beyond campaigns to "safe sex and right to sex education". Students must feel comfortable seeking counselling on sex-related issues. The tactic is to speak the same language as students do and to keep an open mind. There is no right or wrong answer when talking about sex, and every question needs to be answered, no matter how private. This up-front approach would surely decrease the frustrations and aggressions linked to sexuality amongst youth.

Sex Education, Romance & Pregnancy


This matter is correct for educational purposes and addresses sexuality in a straight forward manner. While  correct terminology is used, at times "street language" is used to reach the broadest section of people. If you think  that you may be offended by such material you should automatically disconnect now. We believe that this matter is appropriate for those who are teenagers and older. Our hope is that it can provide you with some answers to sex related questions or concerns that you have. If you have doubts about anything given here, and even if you don't, you should always take the advice of a qualified doctor or a Public Health Unit.
Teenagers have many questions about sexuality. One of the most common is "Am I normal?" Most teens are concerned about body changes, fantasies, being sexually attracted to others and having sexual feelings. Teens are also curious about heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, masturbation, sexual satisfaction and just feeling OK about being curious. You may also have questions about birth control, pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases and how to make decisions. It is normal to be interested in all of these. You may find answers to most of your questions in here.
It's also normal to be curious about heterosexuality -- sexual relationships with someone of the opposite sex, homosexuality -- or sexual relationships with someone of the same sex, and bisexuality -- sexual relationships with people of both sexes. You might find it helpful to talk over your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust, such as your parents, a counsellor, a teacher, a school nurse, your doctor, or a friend. 
We get ideas about sex from television, movies, music, ads, jokes, friends and family. You need to sort out your own ideas and values, what it is you want. Sometimes, one partner tries to pressure the other into becoming sexually active. Knowing your values and what you want will help you in this situation. No means No. Respect your partner and respect yourself. Sexual assault, even in a marriage or dating relationship, is a criminal offence. Only yes means yes. 
Neither guys nor girls know all about sex. Take time to communicate your feelings and get to know your partner. 
If you want more information, find books, or talk to an adult you respect and trust. You can call a local Planned Parenthood organization or Public Health Unit

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